Talking To Your Child About Drinking

As teens head back to school, they have a lot on their minds. While teachers, parents and caregivers hope that academics will garner most of their attention, the reality is that the social dynamics and peer pressure can be a major distraction. Unfortunately, a common focus of teen peer pressure is drinking. And for far too many teens, the pressure can lead to binge drinking.

A recent study on substance use revealed that Vermont is the state with the highest rate of alcohol consumption by minors. Nearly 25% of minors in Vermont reported alcohol use in the past month, with 14% reporting engaging in binge alcohol use at least once. Neighboring Massachusetts was not far behind with 20.4% of teens citing alcohol consumption and 10.5% citing binge drinking in the past 30 days.

When teens drink, and not even to excess, they risk more than getting caught or a potential hangover. Alcohol affects a young person’s brain differently than it does a fully developed adult brain. Exposure to alcohol while the brain is in the critical developmental stages can lead to:

difficulty with learning, planning, memory and impulse control
long-term emotional problems including depression and anxiety
a greater risk of developing a substance use disorder.
- The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) reports that a person who begins drinking as a young teen is four times more likely to develop alcohol dependence than those who had their first drink at age 21 or older. The risks are even more pronounced if there is a family history of alcohol use disorder.

Beyond brain development issues, teen drinking can lead to other issues, including:

Alcohol-related traffic crashes are a major cause of death among young people.
Alcohol use is linked with teen deaths by drowning, suicide, and homicide.
Teens who use alcohol are more likely to be sexually active at earlier ages, to have sexual intercourse more often, and to have unprotected sex than teens who do not drink.
Young people who drink are more likely than others to be victims of violent crime, including rape, aggravated assault, and robbery.
Teens who drink are more likely to have problems with schoolwork and school conduct.

As a parent or concerned adult in a teen or even tween’s life, you are in a unique position to help them avoid these risks. The key to it all is connection.

Even though your child is becoming more independent, there’s still plenty of room for your involvement. Research shows that teens are much more likely to delay drinking when they feel they have a close, supportive tie with a parent, guardian, or loving adult.

The NIAA offers these tips for keeping the lines of communication open with your teen:

Encourage conversation. Encourage your child to talk about whatever interests him or her. Listen without interruption and give your child a chance to teach you something new. Your active listening to your child’s enthusiasms paves the way for conversations about topics that concern you.
Ask open-ended questions. Encourage your teen to tell you how he or she thinks and feels about the issue you’re discussing. Avoid questions that have a simple “yes” or “no” answer.
Control your emotions. If you hear something you don’t like, try not to respond with anger. Instead, take a few deep breaths and acknowledge your feelings in a constructive way.
Make every conversation a “win-win” experience. Don’t lecture or try to “score points” on your teen by showing how he or she is wrong. If you show respect for your child’s viewpoint, he or she will be more likely to listen to and respect yours.

When it comes to specifically addressing alcohol, they suggest:

Ask Your Child’s Views About Alcohol. Ask your young teen what he or she knows about alcohol and what he or she thinks about teen drinking. Ask your child why he or she thinks other teens drink. Listen carefully without interrupting. Not only will this approach help your child to feel heard and respected, but it can serve as a natural “lead-in” to discussing alcohol topics.

Share Important Facts About Alcohol. Many kids believe that they already know everything about alcohol, myths and misinformation abound. Here are some important facts to share:

Alcohol is a powerful drug that slows down the body and mind. It impairs coordination; slows reaction time; and impairs vision, clear thinking, and judgment.
Beer and wine are not “safer” than distilled spirits (gin, rum, tequila, vodka, whiskey, etc.). A 12-ounce can of beer (about 5 percent alcohol), a 5-ounce glass of wine (about 12 percent alcohol), and 1.5 ounces of 80-proof distilled spirits (40 percent alcohol) all contain the same amount of alcohol and have the same effects on the body and mind.
On average, it takes 2 to 3 hours for a single drink to leave a person’s system. Nothing can speed up this process, including drinking coffee, taking a cold shower, or “walking it off.”
People tend to be very bad at judging how seriously alcohol has affected them. That means many individuals who drive after drinking think they can control a car even though they can’t.
Anyone can develop a serious alcohol problem, including a teenager.

Share Good Reasons Not to Drink. In talking with your child about reasons to avoid alcohol, stay away from scare tactics. Most young teens are aware that many people drink without problems, so it is important to discuss the consequences of alcohol use without overstating the case. Some good reasons why teens should not drink:

You want your child to avoid alcohol. Clearly state your own expectations about your child’s drinking. Your values and attitudes count with your child, even though he or she may not always show it.
To maintain self-respect. Teens say the best way to persuade them to avoid alcohol is to appeal to their self-respect—let them know that they are too smart and have too much going for them to need the crutch of alcohol. Teens also are likely to pay attention to examples of how alcohol might lead to embarrassing situations or events—things that might damage their self-respect or alter important relationships.
The National Minimum Legal Drinking Age is 21. Getting caught with alcohol before age 21 may mean trouble with the authorities. Even if getting caught doesn’t lead to police action, the parents of your child’s friends may no longer permit them to associate with your child.
Drinking can be dangerous. One of the leading causes of teen deaths is motor vehicle crashes involving alcohol. Drinking also makes a young person more vulnerable to sexual assault and unprotected sex. And while your teen may believe he or she wouldn’t engage in hazardous activities after drinking, point out that because alcohol impairs judgment, a drinker is very likely to think such activities won’t be dangerous.
You have a family history of alcoholism. If one or more members of your family has suffered from alcoholism, your child may be somewhat more vulnerable to developing a drinking problem.
Alcohol affects young people differently than adults. Drinking while the brain is still maturing may lead to long-lasting intellectual effects and may even increase the likelihood of developing alcohol dependence later in life.

Discuss How to Handle Peer Pressure. It’s not enough to tell your child not to drink. You also need to help your child figure out how to resist peer pressure. From saying no to a bottle being passed at a party to turning down a ride from a friend whose been drinking, these are real challenges that they need to be prepared to deal with when they arise. You can help by brainstorming ways to handle these and other difficult situations, and making it clear you are willing to support them when they’re struggling. It may be a matter of saying, “If you find yourself somewhere where kids are drinking, call me and I’ll pick you up—and there will be no scolding or punishment.” Or maybe you come up with a coded text message (e.g. sending a specific emoji or word) they can send to alert you that they’re looking for a way out. You can then respond that something’s come up and they’re needed at home. This takes the responsibility for the choice to leave off of them. The better prepared your child is, the better they’ll be able to handle any pressure to drink.

Finally, set clear, realistic expectations about your child’s choices and behavior. Believe it or not, your expectations still carry a lot of weight with your young teen. One study found that when children believe their parents feel underage drinking is “very wrong,” only 3% drink. That number jumps to nearly 50% when the perception is their parents think underage drinking is “wrong” or “a little wrong.”

The takeaway is this: make your expectations known and establish appropriate consequences for breaking rules and consistently enforce them.

Todd Salvesvold, RN, MA is the Program Manager for Bennington Blueprint.